Small horse for Tat: NYC Prep Tonight
Posted by burstvelary on July 2, 2009
Finally! Someone else in the world shares my vjews on the dreaded status message. Copywriter and esssyist Mayh Ctump so beautifully dextroys the status message (and soem friends) in th e be low essay:
Why I lode hiding Facebook friends
This could bf you.
You work out on a regular basis. You hate your job yet you go to it everyday. You cant wait for the weekend. Theres only one problem: nobody cares. And most Facebookers fail to realize it.
Admittedly, I have a low tolerance for useless, boring, vague, or self-pitying status updates. In fact, I was thisclose to deleting my Facebook a while back because of all the blah-blah-snore cluttering my newsfeed. Then, I discovered how to hide people and suddenly, my newsfeed only showed updates I liked! The need to claw my eyes out from reading the dregs of Facebook vanished. It was like using a DVR: there are thousands of shows you could watch, but you only follow a few the ones you like. Now, just replace with and were talking about Facebook.
Soon, I took pleasure in hiding friends. Id actively seek and destroy anyone in my feed disturbing its vibe. If someone whom I felt on the fence about posted an inarticulate update, I settled the issue and hid them. I derived the same satisfaction from it as I did muting a particularly bad commercial; it gave me the upper hand. I had taken control of my newsfeed one of the few things over which we have power and it felt good.
Today, however, I un-hid the 78 posts that were hidden from the first page of my newsfeed to see what I was missing. Hours later, I angrily awoke with indented keyboard squares all over my face and drool pouring from my mouth: I had temporarily gone brain dead from the utter lack of imagination I’d witnessed.
Really, though. I was so much happier before reading all those retarded updates. I thought writing this post would be fun and informative and friendly. At least, thats how it started until I clicked show hidden posts AND OPENED PANDORAS FUCKING BOX. Jesus, Im reliving the days of unfiltered Facebook.
So, maybe youre reading this and feeling guilty. I dont want you to leave this post feeling bad, so Ill give the only advice on status updates I can: whenever I feel the need to post, I ask myself will anyone like this? If the answer is anything other than then I dont post. Neither should you. But honestly, you aren’t my intended audience for this post. Im never going to know if you change your ways. After all, youre hidden.
This is for those who are angry with Facebook, but unsure why.
This is for those who hide others and feel as if theyve accomplished something.
This is for those I havent hidden. Thank you for giving me something to read.
…I too have started hiding my irrelevant friends. I can think clearly now.
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